smell ya later, 2010.

in no particular order:

• winston month
• meetings with rox
• k&m monday fun days
• gutterfly nights with kay & mari
• "go to bed, jason!" (sorry for the millionth time)
• foodie adventures with my favorite foodie partner, you know who you are
• hiromi's
• fucking shit up with wacktacula (when he got home)
• drunken skype
• the abbey. bradley. dear summer. goodlife.
• nightmare on elm street. friday the 13th. halloween. movie nights.
• hanging out with my lazy (but smokin hot) best friends, lisi & rubi
• the bone thugs show
• random papa roach show
• lunches with bern. smokes with jun. days of unemployment.
• ate jie
• baby noah =)

and my absolute favorite thing about 2010:

igniting new friendships and extinguishing old drama. this year wasn't all that great. infact, some parts of it made me want to die a million deaths but it wasn't all terrible. i'm truly thankful for all the people i met this year (and trust me, that was a lot) and all the friends that stuck with me. you guys helped me survive and i love you. and i'm also thankful that some people from my past and i were able to put everything behind us and start fresh (or the closest to fresh as possible). like the wise and illustrious kayleigh once told me "we're all just on this planet to meet and learn from each other" she's absolutely right. so everybody love everybody.

so a big thank you and a big fuck you to 2010 at the same time.

2011 is gonna be the shit

open your eyes

talk about multi-talented. i'm in love, i think.

stop it.

you can't expect me to give a shit if you don't take me seriously -- number one. number two, you can't get mad at me for forgetting when you seem to be doing everything BUT remembering. and finally, this shit is a two-way street my "friend" and i'm a little tired of going over to your side. how about you meet me halfway?

and yes, picture me rolling my neck and wagging my finger. let's fix our problem.

q-tip : dance on glass

Who can make it up, dark age is here in rap
And the constant conversation has been let's bring it back
Corny rap style niggas they lack the pedigree
Deep waters they be in when they just a manatee
Who me I'm unaffected the Whale, the Hammerhead
The Magnanimous decision, unanimous, I am fed
What chu looking at, wait, I can help you with that
The Formidable, unforgettable painting Abstract

I haven't heard a track that I loved this much in a long time. Like let me put the shit on loop and play it back a million times love. I love Q-tip. I missed him and I totally missed out on this one (almost).

duh times a gillion.

i'm witnessing the same situation with two different sets of people and frankly, girls are stupid. (this applies to some guys too, some of you get stupid)

i mean, i knew this before. shit, i'm stupid too sometimes. but not in the over-the-line-do-you-not-have-any-common-sense-duh way. i mean, i've fallen in love and played the dumb ass ex-girlfriend "let me look at his fb/myspace/friendster to see which ugly bitch he dumped me for" role too. in other words, i'm stupid but low-key LOL. but i mean, part of me understands and even sympathizes but the thing is: why you tryina infiltrate his circle of friends, idiot?

seriously. yes, during the breakup, you got custody of his dvd's, all the pictures, and his favorite hoodie (and trust me, he is beating himself up over that one). but sweetheart, you did not win custody of his friends. shit, technically, you shouldn't even have visitation rights. why are you texting/calling/fb'ing/IM'ing/tweeting/whatever other social network method of stalking there is out there'ing his best friend (of all people) for advice about him and asking dumb ass questions? do you not know that:

a. he is going to tell your ex-boyfriend? which in turn will make you look even crazier and will turn him off even more.

b. we all know you're doing it and (i'm sorry) we're laughing about it. yes girl, when you asked that one r'tard question (i won't even say which one, just pick one), he read it out loud and we all simultaneously said YES.

c. that's his boy. even if your ex cheated on you and had 8 babies by 8 different baby mamas behind your back, he is never going to have YOUR back over his best friend. when you two broke up, who do you think organized the "fuck that bitch, on to the next" boys night out?

fucking duh.

i mean, i can understand that yes, while you were dating your ex, you established a rapport with his best friend. maybe exchanged numbers, became buddy buddy. but you had to have known it wasn't going to be an actual, for real "fuck how my friend feels, let me convince him to get back with your crazy ass" deep friendship. you can't ask him to be driving your ass to and from the airport. there are boundaries, lady!

OR!

and maybe this is just me but, i have this theory that these girls do this because boys aren't really allowed to tell girls that we're being stupid bitches. boys that aren't OUR friends i mean. your exes friend is never going to tell you that you're being a dumbass. like i said, "shit, if she texted me that and asked me some stupid shit. i'd tell her to stop being an idiot and get over it already." that's 'cause i'm a girl and we can say that to each other. we can, right? shit, i tell my girlfriends the truf all the time. maybe that's why she won't ask her own friends. *shrug*

anyway, my point is, stop being stupid and just let it go. your ex telling you "i don't want to talk to you, please go away" doesn't in any way, shape, or form translate into "go bug my friends for more info." no fine print. no hidden messages. just -- go the fuck away. i'm not saying you have to pretend these people don't exist. it's ok to say hello at a bar or on the street. maybe a little small talk, friendly well-wishing, and all those things polite people do. even better if the sentiment is genuine and you really do care that your ex's bff is doing well and is no longer at that job that he hates or with that other crazy girl who tried to run his life. but don't go asking for advice on what to do about his friend. even worse, do NOT go asking about your ex's new dating endeavors. the shit doesn't look cool. i know it's hard but you have to let go. i've been there. i even tried to stay friends with an ex's sister and sometimes i'd ask about him and it was heartbreaking everytime. just accept the fact that when you break up you lose his friends, his family, and all access to information about his lovelife after you. i mean, unless of course you hear through the grapevine (aka the shit's full blast on facebook -- which by the way, why haven't you deleted him yet? know what i'm sayin?).


think about it: wouldn't it only hurt you more to know, anyway? unless you're into that masochistic, self-inflicted pain type shit, then i don't know what to tell you.

yeah, seriously.

"aye man, all is fair in love and war -- unless of course you gettin' ya ass whooped."

for real, don't.

yeah, i took it back.

pass you by.

the problem with loving hard is that you end up gripping too tight. when it's time to let go, it's damn near impossible. jus' sayin.

amen.

"If you can't recognize the red flags of an asshole, you'll never raise the white flag for the good guy and allow him to sweep you off your feet."

- one of my favorite blogs sam.tony.alex.renee

read the full post here

qbert.

this is my cheer me up video of the moment.
and yes, i've already done that dance in public.

dance like no one's watching

i had quite an interesting little saturday night. i ended up going to dinner in chinatown (soupy dumplings nom nom nom!) and ended up going to some random dance party. ok, it wasn't really so random. i was bamboozled into going. i tagged along with my friends with the idea that i was going to see a live show. everyone knows how i feel about live music. anyway, so we get there and my friend who was ahead of me hands the lady $5 and says "we're here for the dance party." my dumb remedial ass is thinking: dance party? cool band name. yeah, i get that slow sometimes. shut up.

we get there and it was this live jazz show. so by now, i'm totally confused. but i love jazz so it's all good. after the show (and i wish i could remember the name of the band because they're amazing), we go outside for a smoke and come back in to find the lights off... spinning disco ball... and funk blasting through the speakers. my friend says "man, now i feel like snorting coke" that should give you an idea of the vibe. lmao.

everyone just started dancing.

it wasn't like your normal club setting either. well at least not normal for me. i mean you can probably imagine that i'm often at a club that plays hip-hop, house... i don't know why you would imagine that. but that's the kind of place i normally go to to dance. i'm not gonna lie, at first, i thought most of the people in there were "bad" dancers. and i use "" because it's the general definition of a bad dancer. like you know, no real rhythm... awkward movement. later on i realized that everyone in there was just having pure fun. pure dancing fun. like not the kind of dancing where people are grinding on each other (eww) or dancing to appease anyone else but themselves. it was the kind where you just let the music move you. it was kind of amazing really. and by the way, i arrived at this realization when they played afrika bambaataa & the soul sonic force's planet rock and i just rocked with my friends like we haven't done in a long time. no care in the world, absolutely oblivious of our surroundings and just... danced. completely drama free setting. it was pure fun. i already said that.

i wish everyday was like that where i didn't have to stress about anything and just chill the fuck out (heh). feel free to do whatever my little heart desires. wouldn't that be amazing?

thank you, tom for taking us there. =)

let your soul lead the way

i suck at this game.

i couldn't finish the 30-day blog challenge. i'm thinking about cheating and waiting for november 10 to start on day 10. haha. lame, i know. whatever. i really wish i could be a more active blogger. i probably will be since i've just learned someone else whose blogs i love to read is coming back. yeayuh.

in other news...

work is kinda kicking my ass. actually, i don't really mind the work. it's really just the hectic nature in which my boss operates. read: bitch cuh-razy. i mean, i work 8:30 til whenever i finish ...sometimes on time at 5:30 sometimes at 7:30 like wtf?.. and i don't even get paid overtime on the weekdays. oh and did i mention i work from 9-5 on saturdays? i mean, i'm bound to slip and make a mistake once in awhile. sheesh. gimme a break. blah. i'm not gonna go on and on because y'all don't have 5 hours to sit and read about this shit. i'm just stressing about work. and i think i'm underpaid. jus' sayin.

aside from work, things at home are just lovely. seriously. i love being around my roommates and it helps my mental health especially when i come home after a long day. you guys should follow them on twitter: fayzegl and bdabusiness. yeah i live with two dudes. two of the best dudes in the world. we're like a ghetto dysfunctional version of three's company.

so that's my little update. i'm trying to find time to blog and i'm trying to find some shit to blog about so sit tight. i might also start doing video logs. get ready for my annoying voice.

love yous.

day 9: this bitch right here...

... is my love, Elizabeth. All homo. I've known her since the 3rd grade and I'm truly proud of the incredible woman she's grown to become. She's a wonderful daughter, sister, wife and mother (expecting baby #2... it's gon be a girl, I'm tellin you). She's got her career on the right path. She makes time to be a true friend which makes her amazing. AND.. tha's right... AND she still has many goals she set for herself which makes her superwoman. For serious.

She is one of (if not THE) baddest bitches I know. Plus, she's smokin' hot and she was totally at the Bone Thugs show rockin them heels -- with her cute little baby bump rappin along. Girl, I love you.

forreals

I can run, I can race for hours and hours
And don't stop
I can float I can fly us to the highest
Mountain top I can breathe you, I can drink in your laugh
I can... I can live on your smile I can trip and if I can fall into your arms I can
Stay there my whole life

day 8: october goals

i know, it's also a half-assed title. get over it. i'm trying to catch up here.

my goals for this month is to finish:

• www.goodlifemusicgroup.com
• hostile takeover stuff

i'm dragging. i'm half asleep. need to wake the fuck up and go.

jam

i swear, tamia's got a song for everything i've ever been through

I miss the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we used to kiss
At least in my dreams just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happen to us, we were almost there
Who ever said it’s impossible to miss
What you never had, never almost had you

(some times I want to hug you, sometimes I want to love you)
You seem to be the perfect one for me
(some times I want to touch you, but to night I want to love you)
You, you’re all I ever wanted
You’re my everything, Yes it’s true
Boy it’s hard to be close to you
My love, boy it may sound crazy
But I’m in love with you

day 7: amy

for those of you that know me personally, i'm sure you already knew this is the only person's picture i would put up for this challenge. this is my mom, my role model, my soul mate, my best friend... my heart. she was and is still everything i hope to be. the most loving, selfless, generous, kind person i have ever had the privilege of knowing. our relationship was weird. one of those, you gotta be in it to understand type shit. no one understood us and that's what made our mother/daughter-ship even more special. i don't know how i would have gotten through (and i don't know how i'm STILL getting through) life without her.

i miss you amy.

day 6: hobby

*sorry, no semi-creative title for this one. my brain is half dead today. this is also a half-assed post. whatever, so uninspired. gimme a couple hours or fight me then.

i got a few hobbies going but the one i wish i had more time for is graphic/web design. i've been tinkering around with it since i was 16. looking at a screen of coding is kinda relaxing to me. does that make me weird? lol whatever. i'm hoping to make it my career so i'm hoping i can go back to school asap.

supahfresh.16thirtyone.com

day 5: bicoastal, bietch.

a picture of somewhere i've been to. i keep it fresh from coast to coast (i know... bitch, please) so here are pics from 2 of my favorite trips to 2 of my favorite cities. chicago still has my heart forever and always though.

san francisco. i hella miss sf (hella!) . this is from when sherwin and i went in 2008,

our cab driver took us down by the dock to his favorite view of the bridge. exclusive shit.

i only roll vip, you know how i do. omg, marie, shut up.

new york 2003, when we went to pick up alstaire from risd.

wtf happened to day 4?

i'm working on it. you can't expect me to pick any 15 songs. sheesh. fight me then.

day 3: how appropriate for today's challenge...

so my worst habit i would have to say is that i procrastinate like a motherfucker. which is why this post is appropriate, i swear i was gonna do this shit yesterday but i was like...

later...

later...

later...

later...

ooh! a movie? sure! i'll do my post later.

and whaddya know, it's now day 4. lol i think that goes hand in hand with my being late. i get ready at the last minute. i'll say "text me when you leave" and only then will i get my ass up and get ready. in my defense, it shows how quick i get it together if i can get dressed, do the hair, and the makeup by the time you get to my house. that or maybe i just have some draggin ass friends too.

omgjokiiiiing!

motivating shit.

"if you're not the best, you should be out there getting better."

-ckl

day 2: if living is without you...

i absolutely cannot live without music. if i have any free time at all where i don't have to talk to anyone or i have to wait for something... or even a short walk to the store alone, i need to turn on my ipod or phone for music. i was actually late for work today because i went back upstairs just to grab my ipod and that son of a bitch bus left me behind. i love all kinds of music too, i'll listen to anything and everything. which is why i'm kind of dreading the day of the challenge where i have to put together a soundtrack... but anyway...we're getting side tracked. so yeah, here's a pic of something i can't live without.

*fyi- i'm titling my posts differently so if you need to know what the challenge is for the day, just look on the sidebar. thanksloveyou

day 1: a mug & 15 fun facts fo' dat ass

taken in the bathroom at kayleigh's bday... then sent to someone speci -- who's aight =P

01. i got my name because my dad's middle name is marie

02. i came here from the philippines when i was 8. that's right, i'm an import.

03. i speak fluent tagalog. i can turn that accent on and off like a light switch.

04. i'm an excellent cook, but i can't bake for shit.

05. i listen to gangsta rap when i work out (it makes me run faster lol).

06. tetris junkie (the only video game i'll play... well besides the super mario bros games). sometimes i play it when i'm pissed at the world.

07. i find a way to incorporate my favorite quotes from movies and t.v. shows into my daily conversations

08. i can't sleep without a blanket. even when it's hot... just stick a foot out. c'mon, you know it works. lol

09. i love chicago too much to move (even though i keep saying i'm going to)

10. i'd rather text than call. i'm one of those assholes that won't pick up a call then text 2 minutes later "yo, did you call me?"

11. i have a small nike dunk collection (it used to be this big sneaker collection but i sold them off when i needed money. sad, i know but that's a different post)

12. i get teary-eyed when people win game shows or sports championships

13. my way of dealing with things is cracking jokes

14. my most cherished posession is a stuffed monkey that my mom's nun friend gave me when i came to chicago. his name is jordan (yep, after mj)

15. i'm still friends with my first love



boo ya!

thirty days of blog

hi. i'm doing the 30-Day Blog Challenge that I picked up from one of my new faves. my list is over on the right there. over there. look --> kthnksloveyoubye.

i love cake.

my personality is hardly girly. i'm so not maarte, hardly fussy (although super-emotional at times), got a potty mouth for days. i will chill with a new guy wearing sweats and a white tee (especially at my house, why would i get all dressed up when we're just chillin here? duh.) but underneath all that, i looooove me some cake. not the baked goods. you know which kind i'm talkin about.

i like the butterflies you get off of a goodmorning text. if he adds "beautiful" at the end? that's it. game over. i'm fucked up the rest of the day. there's nothing like the rush you get when you know he's coming by to see you. i love me a good cuddle session (even without the netflix). hand holding. door opening. random phone calls at work just to say hello, i was thinking of you. little subliminal messages on facebook cuz you both know you guys cannot tell your friends yet. which brings in a whole new kind of caking... the secret kind. the looks from across the room got you smiling like a damn fool all night. the two of you "accidentally" brushing arms or bumping into each other. girl, you know you timed that shit. flowers. love notes. texting me funny pics or song lyrics that you know will make me smile?

i love all that shit.

your not-your-typical girly girl -- and i plead guilty to this as well -- will tell you that all that shit is overrated. that bitch is lying. she'll tell you that she doesn't celebrate valentine's day or anniversaries but if you don't give her at least a heads up letting her know that you remembered, you will be in for a night of stank faces and attitude. complete with "nothing's wrong!" lol. trust me. c'mon dude, at least for the first one together. yeesh.

so guys, next time you meet a girl that you dig that just happens to be "one of the boys"... don't let that stop you from saying sweet things even if you think it's corny. #1 it WILL make her smile and #2 if you don't, how she supposed to know you think she's special?! duh. we're not mind readers. that's another post.

exactly. (damn, i love the 90s)

happy weekend, errbody!

hotlipps

campus hottie

i've been looking for a backpack like that forever. that's all i need and i have this entire outfit... i think i'll go hit up ebay.

i'm bored, let's go out.

possible outfit choice for a birthday comin' up... *cough*hurryuppickaplace*cough*

earthly skies

fall's here finally! time for layering and busting out the scarves. i'm currently in love with camel, caramel, tan colors for shoes, bags, and accessories (i've wearing this belt a lot lately, and i can't seem to get it off lol i love it). and i especially love these colors against navy blue. doesnt that dress look like a starry sky!? *excited girlish screams*... i'd also probably wear this with opaque dark grey tights (like ones i'm wearing right now, heeeeey)

brown lace

first of all, summer is almost over... second of all, i don't really have the body (or the budget) for this outfit... but i love it. if cold is your issue, you can always replace wear boots and tights and slap on a leather (faux) jacket. if it's body concerns, skinny jeans instead of shorts and a tank instead of the bandeau. also, i think this outfit might be easy to recreate on a thrifting budget =) maybe i'll try.

p.s. i'm addicted to creating stuff on polyvore.com

ms. nude bootie...

bootie, bootie, bootie, bootie rockin' err'where...

i'm currently obsessed with finding a nude bootie. it's like finding the perfect boyfriend... likes long walks, feels like heaven on the dance floor, likes nights out on the town, and won't pinch my nerves (ha). i went through polyvore (all afternoon at work lol) and the 4 up there are my picks. if only i wasn't broke *sigh*

anyone got any other suggestions? share share!

if you don't know, now you know.

i'm not particularly articulate or deep with my words. especially if i'm trying to express my feelings. i just put it simply, with marie's famous twist of sarcasm and humor. that's how i deal. i would say 85% of the time, i won't even say anything. i'll suck it up and adjust my feelings to avoid confrontation.

a person can only adjust so much before they break.

i can only turn my cheek so my many times before my neck starts to hurt and i can't take it anymore. know what i'm saying?

i get it, this is what it was like before i got here. i get it, this is what the "lifestyle" is like. i even get the fact that i did something i wasn't supposed to do, thus landing myself in this situation.

i get it because i made the effort to understand.

so doesn't the golden rule apply? duh.

i feel like no one gave the effort to understand me. like you didn't turn yourself around and think "why is she seeing it differently than me?" i wasn't asked any questions. if i was, my answers were disregarded and i got the vibe that people thought i was just being a bitch.

you don't get why i'm upset about noise because you didn't make the effort to realize that i need peace and quiet when i walk in from a long day.

you don't get why i'm upset about mess because you didn't make the effort to realize that i consider leaving a mess disrespectful of "our home". and granted, my room is crazy messy but i don't subject anyone else to it in common areas.

you don't get why i'm upset seeing you do what you're doing because not only am i still bitter (there, i admitted it) but because i care about you and i don't want to think of you as that kind of person. you don't know because you never asked. i just feel like you were indifferent and didn't really care if you were hurting me or not. you don't know how much damage you actually did because you didn't stand back and look at the wreckage. or i don't know, maybe you did and you got the impression that it was ok.

i have a strong threshold for pain but come on now, my heart is about to blow the fuck up.

i never thought i was better than anyone. i never meant to walk around with this supposed chip on my shoulder (eww, get it off). don't mistake my being annoyed for that. judgemental is probably one of the worse things you can say about me to me because i'm so the opposite. i'm one of the first people who look past the flaws because i have so many of my own. i'm one the type to chime in and say "cmon now, they're not even like that." when shit-talking gets real. especially when it's about someone i consider a true friend. you don't know how many times i defended you. why would i defend you if i thought i was out of your league? season that shit and let it marinate.

i pride myself in being flexible in a sense that i like meeting people, doesn't matter how different they are from me. what was that thing my friend called me the other night?... oh yeah, adaptable. i know there are some people that i choose not to associate myself with. but trust me when i say this: i have never hated or judged someone based on monetary/social status, color, past mistakes, education, religion, or culture (shit, the more culture i have in my life, the better). i choose to associate myself with people whose energy, vibe, morals, heart appealed to me. i'm aware i talk shit and my mouth is uncontrollable but i've never genuinely hated or wished malice on anyone. i really do love everybody unless they give me a valid reason to feel otherwise because (and i had this conversation with kayleigh. this might've been when i fell in love with her)... we're all on this planet to learn about each other... all we have to do is be considerate and make an effort to understand each other. that's only possible if we communicate and are considerate of each other's feelings. unfortunately, i'm not the best with initiating communication... this is where the two way street card comes into play.

i'm considerate of you and think of situations from my angle and yours.

life according to amy: rule #9

"when choosing who to trust, consider the quality of time of your association and then the quantity..."

-mom

um, hi

i know, i've been really bad at updating. i pretty much have had nothing to say lately... well nothing pleasant, really. but i swear, i have something in the works. there's a topic that i've been thinking of a lot lately. like seriously, sometimes i think about it all day. as soon as i organize all these thoughts, i'll write something. i've also been thrifting... a lot (wassup, miss chapman!) and i've been meaning to take pics of my purchases. i will soon. well that's all i wanted to say, really.

stay classy, bitches.

greenlight.

wikky. wikky.

please don't kill me for posting this.

hi, watch this...

it's hot. bdb's clit teaser for the jus' sam's mixtape This Is 4U LA, to be released fo' dat ass summer 2010. yes, i said clit teaser.



ps- thanks for the supahfresh shoutout with the hat =)

it's motherfuckin' friday.

thank you, baby jesus. this week was kind of reaaaally long. long like going to hopleaf with the goodlife fam feels like 3 weeks ago and that was last friday. oh the situations i put myself in this week. *sigh* i had a great birthday though... for the most part. but that was my own fault. anyway, it was fun and beautifully reckless. pics soon.

oh, tonight is goonie's performance at club v. if you're in chicago, come by. if you know me personally, hit me up. let's go! here's the flyer (made by yours truly)




this post really doesn't have any substance, i know. except for the gooniej/goodlife thing. i just wanted to say i'm thankful this motherfuckin week is over. happy friday!

off to see my bernz for our weekly jess cafe! yeah!

hi, rod.

i need the drives around downtown... the 40's nights... bc trips... garbage can confessions... the hand gestures... inside jokes.

come home. likenowpleasethankyou.

there isn't a single day...

that i don't think about that smile
that i don't miss your corny jokes and your cute little catch phrases (ops, wrong number)
sometimes i even miss arguing with you.
i miss us yelling at each other and hanging up then calling back like nothing happened
i know, that's kinda fucked up but i miss that shit.
i miss your cooking!
even though everyone says i got that shit down to a T,
it's just not the same as when you cooked it for me
i just want some adobo, kare kare, eggrolls, ube, leche flan...
even one of your simple eggplant omelet thingies would be great right about now.
there isn't a single day that i don't wish you were just a phone call away
everyday i look for that wakeup call at 7am (the ones you used to give me even on my day off, thanks)
every night i miss you blowin up my phone starting at 10pm to ask where i am

where are you now? it's 10:30!
mom, i'm 23!
so?

thanks to you, i need the goodnight, sweet dreams every night otherwise i can't sleep.
there's so many things i want to tell you and ask you
hopefully i'll have the chance on those nights that i'm lucky enough to see you in my dreams.
i miss all these things and a million things more.
i just miss you... and not just today... but every day. every second, even.
i love you, mom. see you in my dreams

- netnet

just a random update...

...because i feel the need to write something. now, prepare your pretty little faces cuz this shit is all over the place.

first of all, this weekend with the whole bradley u thing was waaaay above and beyond what j and i hoped for. all the prep work, the late nights were so worth it. i just want to say i'm so proud of everyone. bdbusiness, goonie j, jus'sam, & los for killin it on stage. and of course, jason. i'm proud of you and everything you're pushing for. you already know all this sentimental shit. thanks for letting me be a part of it. it was dope to see you guys doing your thing and building relationships w/ the other artists. that hotel room scene was mind blowing. the whole thing was quite an experience really. the first of many. and peoria, thank you. my liver is all shriveled up. it's cool though cuz when goodlife makes it big, i'm sure j will buy me a new one =) *btw, that pic is from the abbey. not bradley u. those are comin up.

in other news, i've been learning quite a lot lately. i'm starting to trust my instincts and take my own advice. so i'm learning that i can trust myself. i know sometimes i'm on that hypocritical shit cuz i'll advise someone to do something and i myself wouldn't do it. but lately when my friends come to me and i break it down it's like *lightbulb* maybe i should do that too. i'm sure everyone who reads this (whattup to all 5 you... heeeeey) already knows that i recently became single. now, if you didn't already know, i don't deal with endings too well. i always feel such a huge loss. and don't get me wrong i did feel quite a loss but i'm ok. i'm learning it's ok for things to end if it means it'll be better for the two of us in the long run. and it has been better for me. i'm taking care of myself, finding out what i want, having fun... which means i'm less stressed and i'm happy. i mean it's a different kind of happy from being with him but this is good too. and i know he's happier too so... everyone wins. plus, we're still friends. as i am with all my other exes. i'm not really huge on holding grudges. one of my best qualities is that i'm able to forgive. life's too short to be mad at everyone.

got a few things going on this month. it's my mom's 3-year anniversary this weekend. maybe we can just sit around and drink... like we do every year. my birthday is coming. jesus christ. my past few bdays have been drama-filled and this year, that's just unacceptable. other than that, these next few weeks should be quite productive. i'm putting together my portfolio for all the world to see and fixing up 16thirtyone.Com so i can offer my services. i got a couple logos to work on for people. i'm gonna be a busy little bee. and i'm gonna start right now cuz i, for some reason, woke up at 5 am and i can't go back to sleep.

-marie

timing

why are we so obsessed with timing? or actually... why am i so obsessed with timing? there's never a good or right time for everything! you know what i mean though right? there's never a good time to break up... when's the right time to talk to someone new... there's never a good time to quit a job you're unhappy doing. there's never a good time to break bad news to your friends.

well you know what? fuck waiting for the right time. i'm just gonna accept that there's never a "right" time for the things i mentioned (or much of anything else really). i'll just accept that these things are inevitable in life. i'm just gonna play the fuck it game (skins season 2, educate yourselves). whenever something feels right, i'm not gonna consider the timing. i'm just gonna say fuck it and go for it.

i mean for someone who is constantly a victim of bad timing, i sure do care a lot. and why? timing's never worked in my favor. so fuck it.

supahfreshfitted

i had this hat made a looooong time ago at woodfield cuz i fell in love with a logo that i rushed to create for an art class.

i reached back like a pimp and i slapped the ho.

i miss my friends.

half-off monday!

every monday, all purchases at my favorite thrift store chain are 50% off! so last monday, i went on a waaaaay overdue shopping trip. 2 hours and $27+ later, i came home with some good stuff:



this is a coach shoulder bag. it's small and is perfect for spring/summer when i don't really like to carry around too much stuff. also cute for just going to a bar. i got it for $6... the metal thingy in the front is missing but i still think it's cute.



i've been looking for a good-sized black bag. i don't even know how to define what good-sized is to me but anyway... this is one of those balenciaga knockoffs, whatever. it has lots of pockets and a shoulder strap and it stand up well on it's own. my big bags are all hobo-style and brown so i needed this one. $5! (i was watching fresh prince on my computer while i was taking pics lol)



i got three gold chains and a really pretty yellow necklace. $6 alltogether


here's the detail for that last necklace.



i fell in love with these wedges cuz of the zigzag-like pattern and i needed these cuz like my bags, all my spring/summer shoes are brown lol. $3!


needed a pair of black flats. i don't know why it's so fucking hard to find plain balck ballet flats that are comfy. these aren't really ballet flats but they have that loafer look which is think is cute... $2!


these are pretty for when i go out but don't feel like wearing heels (which is always). they look practically brand new and were only $3.50

so there ya have it. overall i'm pretty happy with what i got. i can't wait to go next week to look for a pretty vintage tray for my room. by the way, i moved out of my apartment and in with my friend two months ago. i'll take pics soon.


'til next time. keep your head above water

-marie

lookin' at my roley, it's about that time.

oldie but a goodie. i'm in the process of taking pics of my recent purchases from "half off monday". what's a half-off monday, you say? you'll see. til' then, enjoy the video *puff daddy shuffle*

p.s. awkard crotch shot at 2:22.

on that girly shit

it's about that time... every year i go through it. no, not the phase where i want to sit at the computer and design 24/7 (although i really do need to do that). not that thing where i wanna buy all the kicks in the city. sans employment, it's safe to say that i'm out of the shoe game for awhile if not permanently. people are ruining the game for me, lol. i'm talking about that time of the year when the grass is green again. flowers are poppin' up. the breeze is cool on my face and not butt freezing cold. the city is pretty and it makes me want to be pretty too. it makes me want to wear pretty clothes and create pretty things.

what the fuck are you talking about, marie?

all winter i've been scrubbed out... wearing sweats, hardly any makeup, hair all in a messytail. every spring i change up my style. experiment with new wardrobe, have more fun with my hair and makeup, and i love to do a bunch of DIY projects. I've been watching a lot DIY on youtube and falling in love with new fashion/makeup blogs so, i'm pretty inspired.

watch out, readers (assuming there's more than one) cuz you'll be seeing a few fashion/makeup/craft project posts. and watchout roomiehomeyfriend cuz i will be fighting with you for bathroom time. it's the only room in the house with ample lighting and a mirror. Unless of course you hang my full length for me *hint hint*

'til next time... may the new spring air mend broken hearts, turn frowns upside down, and breathe new life into your our creativity.

peace, bitches.

-marie

p.s. This song always enhances my springtime experience. heh.

playing hide n' seek

not the traditional game that we all know and love. more like hiding in my little hole (from my friends, the blog, what have you) because i'm trying to look for the right way, the right words to express how i've been feeling lately. and just in case you're remedial, that's the seek part. that was harsh. whatever. i always look for the right words to say as to not reveal too much of myself. the right words as to not hurt anyone because in all honesty, that's the kind of person i am. i would rather pent it all up and hurt myself than hurt those around me. but as long as we're being honest here: if the people you are trying to protect don't give a shit about hurting you, then what the fuck?

so here it is, not more hiding. no more seeking to find more delicate words to sugarcoat because what's the point?

these past few months, i've felt every emotion in the book. love to hate. appreciated to just plain used. from blessed to cheated. cheated in a sense that i feel like i'm not getting back even half of what i put out there. yeah, yeah, we should love our friends and family unconditionally without expecting a reward. but damn, how about to the point where you get tired of giving or being there cuz guess what? when you need something or someone just to be there, where the hell is everyone? suddenly phones aren't working. people are too busy? what the hell? "i got problems ain't nobody callin' back, so what the fuck is happenin w/ my ballin cats?" damn, i feel that. on the other end of the spectrum, there are people who came and caught me when i was falling and these were people i didn't expect. as he says "shit came out of nowhere, huh?" call it good luck, good timing... i'm just relieved they were there when i was about to go SPLAT... and for that i feel blessed.

and i always say this. it would be easier if my mom were around but i'm beginning to accept (finally) that she isn't. i can't just hit 2 on my phone (cuz you know, 1 is voicemail) and ask her what i should do or make her listen to me just cry. i'm just going to have to face the fact that i really do have to face everything without her. she was right all those years we fought when she said "you'll be sorry when i'm gone".

at this point, i'm kind of exhausted. mentally and physically. i can't even feel anything anymore. i can't even write, i can't even visualize anything creative. because of that other people, not just me, are paying the price. i've promised people i would design things, put together a website for them and i haven't been able to deliver. and if you read this, and you know who you are, i'm deeply sorry. at this point, i'm just hoping i've felt every bad thing i'm supposed to feel so that healing can start.

i'm the real black sheep... BAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!

what a sorry excuse of an update (sorry vee)... but it's hilarious.