Hip Hop Jr.

We released this video like two weeks ago and never posted it on here... aww look at my housemates. All talented and stuff.

Directed & edited by Sense Hernandez for Beast Factory Films

http://twitter.com/therealgooniej

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KING of hearts

Goodlife Music Group's emcee/producer KING drops his mixtape, KING of Hearts today in time for Valentine's Day -- and yes the name's always gotta be in CAPS and for good reason. With his mellow beats and smooth flows, he takes you through a journey through the ups and downs of "the game". You know exactly what game I'm talkin about. He goes from playin the field, to meeting his one, and then to speaking about a love that has been lost. It's been awhile since I heard an album/mixtape that tells a story I can relate to. For real. The vibes I get from his songs are reminiscent of those I get from old school classic hip-hop love joints. Marchin' ft. Astonish is fast becoming my favorite track from this set. So if your taste is anything like mine, you'll appreciate this for beats that stimulate the eardrums and lyrics that speak to the heart and soul. Download now, thank me later.

*oh and sidenote -- graphics were done by Supahfresh for 16ThirtyOne.Com (yes, that would be me. shameless plug, I know.)

Download KING OF HEARTS from GLMRecords.

gold mine (?)

before a much needed girl's night out two saturdays ago, two of the best girls on the planet and i sat around with our poison of choice. of course you know, the best conversations happen during gutterfly pre-juice time.

me: i don't know, maybe i'm too much of one of the boys for anyone to notice me

r: are you crazy? what the fuck are you talking about?

me: i don't know. i'm like, not enough of a girl on a regular basis. i talk a lot of shit and i don't know... you know... sometimes i don't know how to be a girl anymore.

r: are you kidding? marie, you're a gold mine. you can chill with the best of 'em and you're beautiful and you're an amazing girlfriend -- whoever lands you hits the jackpot.

would it be hitting the jackpot though?

let's break it down:

i'm around guys all the time. who would want a girlfriend whose circle consists of 95% percent guy friends? that number is not an exaggeration either. my friends will always be on deck to tell me when a nigga is about to treat me like a nigga. and i love them for it. but can you imagine what that would be like for the guy -- whoever he is. because for real, no one and i mean NO ONE is trippin off me these days -- he can't sweet talk me, he can't lie to me. i got everything decoded for me already. i'm playing the game with a marked deck, know what i'm sayin? and for some guys, to not be able to play games with a girl is a no go. and another issue, how would you feel if your girl is around dudes 24/7 and i mean 24/7. i live with two guys. you feel me? it's hard to get a guy to believe that nothing is going on. even though there is REALLY NOTHING GOING ON. he's always going to think shit like -- guys and girls can never be on a platonic level with no sexual interest (wrong, cuz i'm living proof) or what if she walks out the shower in her towel, i don't want a bunch of other dudes lookin at my girl. lol guys are so territorial.

and another thing! i've gotten so comfortable with guys that i'm almost always in my chill clothes. you know, sweats and a hoodie. no one wants to look at a girl in her sweats all the damn time. lol people are shocked as fuck when they see me about to go out hair all done, makeup on point. motherfucker, i bullshit like you, i can out-drink most of you, hit that bowl harder than you -- but i clean up nice. just saying.

besides these things, i mean i have my own issues with it too.

i can love like only a woman can but at the same time i can be as emotionally unavailable as a man. because of all the shit i've seen and all the shit i know (on top of all the shit i've been through), i've built a wall so high and so strong that no one can break through or get over. it would take a very patient, very special guy to do so. you understand this dwindles my options to about slim to non-fucking-existent. so i'm pretty much fucked in that department.

with all that said... i like who i am, who i choose to associate myself with (even if it is 95% testosterone 5% estrogen) and if takes the rarest guy on the planet and it takes years for me to find him. then i'm ok with that. now if you can handle a girl who

... will tell you the truth even if it hurts

... you can't bullshit when it comes to the serious shit

... will laugh when you fall off the couch and bust your ass (c'mon, that's funny)

... will probably end up becoming friends (and just friends) with your boys

... has a mouth like a trucker, a liver like a tito, and lungs like wiz (ok maybe not like wiz)

i'm accepting applications. because as much work as it sounds to be able to deal with me, my girlfriend characteristics are pretty much on point. you'll just have to try to get over the wall to see what that's like.

oh and btw, thank you to my girl for making me think about this

and making me feel beautiful inside and out.

that friend.

i've been thinking about this for quite some time now.

i was at my friend's husband's birthday get together and i was in a bedroom talking with my vip (aka the girls i do, have always, and always will forever love to death). subject at hand: breast pumps. and of course the only one without a kid, i was lost in the conversation. mind you, it was also awkward because my friend was there with one titty out (she had a blanket over it ok) making wincy faces while she was pumping milk. sorry, i know, tmi. i had nothing to contribute to the convo and was standing there cracking jokes to make it less weird for myself. i felt left out.

a few days later, another friend of mine whom i met freshman year in highschool during gym (oh, the irony) was telling me about her husband.

she was talking about "don't tell anyone, but he has a bedside hairbrush."

with my famous sarcastic tone, i reply "he brushes his hair before going to sleep?... what? the standard 100 strokes? hawhaw"

with our famous wtf-do-you-think look and a dead serious voice she says "oh yes. 100 times."

and i got to thinking -- more like noticing -- i am the only one out of all my close friends that isn't married or at least in a steady relationship. i'm that friend. that friend that you see in those t.v. shows or in movies that needs to get it together. the last single friend. no responsibilities of having another life to take care of. i mean that part is good, because let's face it, i can barely take care of myself. but i'm like that friend that they have to be there for. the one that's always got the drama. i'm like that sister in those dyfunctional family holiday movies that you just look at the dinner table and think, why can't she just get it together? and honestly...

i don't know how i got here.

i mean, i know it's not bad being single. the loneliness and having to hear about other people being in love when you're not part sucks sometimes. and don't get me wrong, i love hearing about people being in love and especially about my friends being happy and in love. seeing them glow makes me happy, it really does. but sometimes, you know, you're just like -- well wtf? i wish i had husband or boyfriend with some weird ass habit i can share with my girls. LOL i know, right?

and it's not just with relationships either. career-wise? oh please. i'm so far from having it together that i've run out of quarters to feed the view-finder. i can't see it anymore. i feel like my career life is in this weird grey area where i keep on having to start over.

again, don't get it twisted.

i'm not saying i hate my life entirely.

i'm not saying i'm jealous of my friends. because i'm 1000%, head over heels, genuinely happy for them.

i'm just saying that, for once, i would love some stability. i don't even need to be married. shit, i don't know even know if i buy into the whole marriage thing. i can just goldie hawn it for the rest of my life and i'd be fine. i would just like to come home to something normal. i would like to not have to analyze a text message to death to see "where we are". when my girls ask me so how are things with so and so, i would like to not have to begin with: oh, let me telll you... --LMAO --

i don't even need to have a career right now either. it's just... some direction would be nice. just a path that i could follow and not have to worry about where my tomorrow lies. i guess you can say i brought this on myself. i should've been more responsible growing up. stuck to the books. high school. college. move out. married. kids. should've been in that order.

but i mean, what can you do? i'm a free-spirit (or i'd like to think i am) who didn't like to be told what to do. who didn't want to stick around my parent's house in the midst of all that drama. i did what i wanted to do and i did it by myself. which is the good part in all this. i can look at my life and think yeah, i'm experiencing a lot... on my own.

but sometimes... the stability.

oh, the stability. how i crave it. i'd love to experience sailing on calm waters and not worry what type of shit-storm is up ahead. i wonder what my life would've been like if i had stuck to what i call the cookie cutter life. god, imagine that? marie? in a steady job with a house and timely paid bills? what?

but you know what, right now? i'm fine being that friend.

because even though i don't have that stability and i don't have stories about boy hair habits and breast pumps... i have stories about the craziness in my life. i'll have stories to share with my nieces and nephews (mostly nephews, could one of you guys pop out a girl? who am i supposed to pass my fashion knowledge down to? and the shoes?) when they get older. or i mean, god forbid, i have a child -- imagine all the things i can share.

i mean, being that friend is pretty cool too.

but you know, i'm just sayin.

square one

you know when a girl meets a guy and she can't get his smile out of her head? or when he can't stop thinking about how her face looked when she greeted him with a "nice meeting you"? it's like the stars have aligned and said "look... here she is... here he is... now you two go make some damn magic". and for awhile they do. random texts, phone calls at work just to check how each other's day is going... dare i say it? facebook flirting. i mean, it all starts with an add and a poke right? dinners, movies, that first kiss...

square one never looked and felt so good.

but you know, things get in the way. she's not ready and he's too ready.

fail.

back to square one.

they take it slower and she finally opens up and takes her wall down. let's him in emotionally and eventually physically. "that's what i was waiting for" he says... and she's laying there thinking "what the fuck does that mean?" trying her best not to make her famous stank face. but you know she's going to analyze that shit to death. why? because it's a confusing thing to hear. oh, and because she's a girl and that's what girls do. so now she's ready to give all the attention he was asking for. all the affection she's been wanting to give. only now he's cold. she's lucky if she even gets a tweet reply. geezus, when did social networks start playing such an important role in a relationship? did you see his status? what does that mean? bitch, get over yourself, not everything is about you. that probably wasn't for you. why did she post that on her wall? dude, maybe she just likes that song. won't make a big deal about it. by the way, this whole facebook/twitter thing is getting out of control. why do i need to feel rejected via text, twitter, email, IM, AND facebook? (he's just not that into you -- drew barrymore complains about technologically being dumped. remember that? true story tho. amen girl) anyway, back to our couple here...

BUT YO... THIS IS STILL SQUARE ONE

-- just with sex. this is worse than square one, it's about a fucking half step before square one. because now she's confused, is he still into her? or is this just a booty thing? which is fine if that's the case. just that, and this goes out to the guys... if it's just a sex thing, you need to tell her. some guys are always so afraid to be truthful when telling a girl how deep (or how shallow) they are willing to take the relationship. you never know, some girls might be just fine sexin' you with no emotional attachment. sometimes we need to know where our emotional boundaries are for our own self-preservation -- and for your sake too. i mean, so that way y'all don't have to worry about breaking our hearts and making us cry. cuz so many of you are soooo worried about that shit right? i'm playing. we just need to know so that we can tuck our feelings away somewhere and we don't end blurting some crazy shit out sounding like some psycho non-girlfriend. and vice versa too. ladies, if you need to tell dude it's just sex. do it. guys have feelings too. i don't care how many "bitches" they fuck and leave -- you know how he thug em, fuck em, love em, leave em, cuz he don't fuckin need em? sometimes shit gets real for a guy too. remember that.

but anyway, tangents.

the whole point of this post is this -- to my friend: square one's not that bad. remember all of the square ones you've survived. the one after that guy that cheated on you and broke your heart?you picked yourself up and made your way all the way to square like 80. remember that square one's ass you kicked after you lost your job? that wasn't so bad right? you found yourself a new grind and it made you happier. people are always looking at square one as the beginning of a struggle. the bottom part of the fall from the top. i'm trying to look at it as a new beginning. the step where you can make that first decision all over again so that you can't prevent yourself from fucking up. you can make that decision to openly discuss how far you want this relationship to go so that you're on the same page. you can make the decision to just chill and let it happen instead of trying to force it like you did before. OR you can make that decision to leave all the pieces on this square one and move on to the next one. you see, life is trial and error. there's no perfect plan. no step by step manual to a perfect love. you just gotta take every square one and try to make better decisions til you get that shit right for you.