square one

you know when a girl meets a guy and she can't get his smile out of her head? or when he can't stop thinking about how her face looked when she greeted him with a "nice meeting you"? it's like the stars have aligned and said "look... here she is... here he is... now you two go make some damn magic". and for awhile they do. random texts, phone calls at work just to check how each other's day is going... dare i say it? facebook flirting. i mean, it all starts with an add and a poke right? dinners, movies, that first kiss...

square one never looked and felt so good.

but you know, things get in the way. she's not ready and he's too ready.

fail.

back to square one.

they take it slower and she finally opens up and takes her wall down. let's him in emotionally and eventually physically. "that's what i was waiting for" he says... and she's laying there thinking "what the fuck does that mean?" trying her best not to make her famous stank face. but you know she's going to analyze that shit to death. why? because it's a confusing thing to hear. oh, and because she's a girl and that's what girls do. so now she's ready to give all the attention he was asking for. all the affection she's been wanting to give. only now he's cold. she's lucky if she even gets a tweet reply. geezus, when did social networks start playing such an important role in a relationship? did you see his status? what does that mean? bitch, get over yourself, not everything is about you. that probably wasn't for you. why did she post that on her wall? dude, maybe she just likes that song. won't make a big deal about it. by the way, this whole facebook/twitter thing is getting out of control. why do i need to feel rejected via text, twitter, email, IM, AND facebook? (he's just not that into you -- drew barrymore complains about technologically being dumped. remember that? true story tho. amen girl) anyway, back to our couple here...

BUT YO... THIS IS STILL SQUARE ONE

-- just with sex. this is worse than square one, it's about a fucking half step before square one. because now she's confused, is he still into her? or is this just a booty thing? which is fine if that's the case. just that, and this goes out to the guys... if it's just a sex thing, you need to tell her. some guys are always so afraid to be truthful when telling a girl how deep (or how shallow) they are willing to take the relationship. you never know, some girls might be just fine sexin' you with no emotional attachment. sometimes we need to know where our emotional boundaries are for our own self-preservation -- and for your sake too. i mean, so that way y'all don't have to worry about breaking our hearts and making us cry. cuz so many of you are soooo worried about that shit right? i'm playing. we just need to know so that we can tuck our feelings away somewhere and we don't end blurting some crazy shit out sounding like some psycho non-girlfriend. and vice versa too. ladies, if you need to tell dude it's just sex. do it. guys have feelings too. i don't care how many "bitches" they fuck and leave -- you know how he thug em, fuck em, love em, leave em, cuz he don't fuckin need em? sometimes shit gets real for a guy too. remember that.

but anyway, tangents.

the whole point of this post is this -- to my friend: square one's not that bad. remember all of the square ones you've survived. the one after that guy that cheated on you and broke your heart?you picked yourself up and made your way all the way to square like 80. remember that square one's ass you kicked after you lost your job? that wasn't so bad right? you found yourself a new grind and it made you happier. people are always looking at square one as the beginning of a struggle. the bottom part of the fall from the top. i'm trying to look at it as a new beginning. the step where you can make that first decision all over again so that you can't prevent yourself from fucking up. you can make that decision to openly discuss how far you want this relationship to go so that you're on the same page. you can make the decision to just chill and let it happen instead of trying to force it like you did before. OR you can make that decision to leave all the pieces on this square one and move on to the next one. you see, life is trial and error. there's no perfect plan. no step by step manual to a perfect love. you just gotta take every square one and try to make better decisions til you get that shit right for you.