if you don't know, now you know.

i'm not particularly articulate or deep with my words. especially if i'm trying to express my feelings. i just put it simply, with marie's famous twist of sarcasm and humor. that's how i deal. i would say 85% of the time, i won't even say anything. i'll suck it up and adjust my feelings to avoid confrontation.

a person can only adjust so much before they break.

i can only turn my cheek so my many times before my neck starts to hurt and i can't take it anymore. know what i'm saying?

i get it, this is what it was like before i got here. i get it, this is what the "lifestyle" is like. i even get the fact that i did something i wasn't supposed to do, thus landing myself in this situation.

i get it because i made the effort to understand.

so doesn't the golden rule apply? duh.

i feel like no one gave the effort to understand me. like you didn't turn yourself around and think "why is she seeing it differently than me?" i wasn't asked any questions. if i was, my answers were disregarded and i got the vibe that people thought i was just being a bitch.

you don't get why i'm upset about noise because you didn't make the effort to realize that i need peace and quiet when i walk in from a long day.

you don't get why i'm upset about mess because you didn't make the effort to realize that i consider leaving a mess disrespectful of "our home". and granted, my room is crazy messy but i don't subject anyone else to it in common areas.

you don't get why i'm upset seeing you do what you're doing because not only am i still bitter (there, i admitted it) but because i care about you and i don't want to think of you as that kind of person. you don't know because you never asked. i just feel like you were indifferent and didn't really care if you were hurting me or not. you don't know how much damage you actually did because you didn't stand back and look at the wreckage. or i don't know, maybe you did and you got the impression that it was ok.

i have a strong threshold for pain but come on now, my heart is about to blow the fuck up.

i never thought i was better than anyone. i never meant to walk around with this supposed chip on my shoulder (eww, get it off). don't mistake my being annoyed for that. judgemental is probably one of the worse things you can say about me to me because i'm so the opposite. i'm one of the first people who look past the flaws because i have so many of my own. i'm one the type to chime in and say "cmon now, they're not even like that." when shit-talking gets real. especially when it's about someone i consider a true friend. you don't know how many times i defended you. why would i defend you if i thought i was out of your league? season that shit and let it marinate.

i pride myself in being flexible in a sense that i like meeting people, doesn't matter how different they are from me. what was that thing my friend called me the other night?... oh yeah, adaptable. i know there are some people that i choose not to associate myself with. but trust me when i say this: i have never hated or judged someone based on monetary/social status, color, past mistakes, education, religion, or culture (shit, the more culture i have in my life, the better). i choose to associate myself with people whose energy, vibe, morals, heart appealed to me. i'm aware i talk shit and my mouth is uncontrollable but i've never genuinely hated or wished malice on anyone. i really do love everybody unless they give me a valid reason to feel otherwise because (and i had this conversation with kayleigh. this might've been when i fell in love with her)... we're all on this planet to learn about each other... all we have to do is be considerate and make an effort to understand each other. that's only possible if we communicate and are considerate of each other's feelings. unfortunately, i'm not the best with initiating communication... this is where the two way street card comes into play.

i'm considerate of you and think of situations from my angle and yours.